Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Why do you think I am British?

So the results are in for the poll "Why do you think I am British?" that was instigated by this post and once again it's been a big success. First, it's my most popular poll ever. 14 votes cast, so either I have 14 readers or else one avid fan who found 14 different machines to vote from. The first situation is one I'm comfortable with, the second - not so much. If it is just one person out there can you please contact me with your full name so I know what to write on the restraining order?

No-one voted for "sallow skin" which was a small surprise but does help to dispel my lingering suspicion that I suffer from Gilbert's syndrome.

Only two votes for "eloquence and sophistication", which I choose to interpret as a resounding rejection of the eloquence and sophistication of British people rather than a resounding rejection of the eloquence and sophistication of myself. So that's fine. Just fine.

Three of you voted for "queueing skillz". I am flattered that you noticed. It's something that I have worked hard on and I pride myself on my achievements in this field. Not everyone is born with A-grade queueing potential but it's incredible how much improvement you can see with discipline, focus, and the right attitude.

Four of you voted for "yellow teeth". Hmm. Maybe I should drink less coffee. Or use that whitening toothpaste. But you know what? People with white teeth look kind of fake and freaky. Teeth aren't white. Ask any dog.

And the narrow winner, just edging out the yellow teeth, was "air of superiority". Yeah baby, that's right. I think I'm better than you. Heaps more betterer. You know why? Because I am.

Read it and weep.

No comments: