Sunday, May 10, 2009


I reckon what this blog really needs is an FAQ. I love FAQs. When I used to organize the Non-Denominational End Of Calender Year Gift Exchange Program at my old workplace I would publish an extensive FAQ addressing not only the Q's that were F'ly A'ed, but also lots of Q's that should have been asked because I had thought up great answers to them, but hadn't been asked because most people didn't have hours of free time to make up stupid shit in their work time like I apparently did.

When I realized that this blog needed an FAQ I was tempted to just make the questions up but then I thought to myself, "Self, some of the comments you get on your blog are pretty interesting. Maybe you should get readers to submit questions themselves", to which I thought back, "You know Self, you're smart as well as handsome".

So this is a call for questions. Ask away. I'll insert some sample questions in the comments section myself, just to show how it's done.

(As an aside, I reckon this will generate either incredible amounts of worthless crap, or nothing at all. It's up to you really.)


John Q. Citizen said...

Where do you get your ideas?

Why do you get your ideas?

Aren't you afraid that one day when you're running for President of the USA that this will all get dredged up and wreck your life?

Where was the stooped and mealy-coloured old man I used to call Poppa the day the merry-go-round broke down?

Are you going to turn this all into a movie starring Nicholas Cage?

Would you like some cake?

PTR said...

Goodness me! What fine questions from John Q. Citizen. I'll answer them all in my forthcoming FAQ. But in the meantime, if you have any questions you'd like answered, why not ask them right here, right now, using a foolish alias of your own choice?

Anonymous said...

Why do you scorn the letter E?

Anonymous said...

Have you ever thought about becoming a veterinarian? How about an actuary?

Anonymous said...

Have you ever cooked a savoury dish using vanilla pods?

PTR said...

Gosh - those are all excellent questions! I'm going to have to give them some thought...

Anonymous said...

If talking to yourself is a sign of madness, of what is posting requests to yourself for FAQ's a sign? (...the times?)

If your relationship with your smaller half were to be represented by a tattoo somewhere on your person, what would it be (and where)?
As an secondary question, can you confirm that your smaller half is indeed a person, and not some tasteless euphemism?

Is it acceptable to name your children after pets?

Is it true that you're a technical script adviser to Lawrence Leong's "Choose your own adventure"?

What would be the menu for your last supper?

Scrunch or fold?

Anonymous said...

How long is a piece of string?

PTR said...

Again, another excellent question. I'm getting excited about this so I think I'll start drafting some answers and see what happens...

Anonymous said...

How many people would you kill to bring about world peace?


Anonymous said...

Let me rephrase ^ that. ^ How many people would you be happy to kill, if it gave the world, world peace?

Which prime time news reporter do you like the least?

Is punching someone in the dark a victimless crime?


PTR said...

Wow - this is turning into a little Rorschach test for you readers, isn't it? KILL!! KILL!! KILL THE NEWSREADERS!!!

Anonymous said...

is the phrase 'down pat' or 'down packed'?

having been tempted with very expensive jars of duck fat, I am at a loss with what on earth to do with said fat. Any suggestions?

As you made reference to utilitariansim would you subscribe to a system of a mandatory organ donation society where you would be forced to donate, perhaps terminally, IF through the collective goodness of your innards, the useful life of the recipients outweighed your own?

have you ever rated your poo?

PTR said...

Three good questions, one not-so-good one. Now answered.