Thursday, June 9, 2011

Insidious mind-control

As you know, life is unfulfilling unless I have something to rail against.  At the moment, things are going fantastically because I am on a righteous crusade against non-canonical nursery rhymes.  It may seem harmless when people tweak these little rhymes and songs a bit but stop for a moment and think about what these shadowy powers-that-be hope to achieve with their historical revision?  I put it to you that the culture wars are being fought (and lost!) right under our noses.  Soon our children will be placing calls to the Stasi in the dead of night to report on our activities.  Think I'm exaggerating? Read on.

It all started when we were given some type of poster-thing by a community midwife to encourage us to sing and read to the Hatchling.  All well and good.  But these are the lyrics to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star that were printed on the poster: (the emphasis is mine)

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle twinkle little star
I'm so glad that you came by

How about that last line eh?  Stupid or what?  Stars don't "come by" to visit like they are your friends.  And it completely stuffs up the rhyming scheme of the song.  I can't say for certain why some faceless bureaucrat in the Department of Nursery Rhymes saw fit to change it.  But I'm pretty sure it's part of some leftist conspiracy to indoctrinate our children into thinking that it's nice to have people just dropping in out of the blue, so as to weaken our resolve in the Great War On Immigrants and erode the sanctity of property ownership.

It's amazing how many leftist conspiracies you can find in children's literature once you become sufficiently deranged and paranoid.  For example, one of the Hatchling's favourite books is one called Where is the Green Sheep?  This simple book shows us all sorts of other sheep in our lengthy search for the Green Sheep.  Entertaining stuff, to be sure, but the author and illustrator don't miss a single opportunity to brainwash us into their pinko views.  Here's a short list of some of the sheep in the book and their barely subliminal messages:
  • The red sheep and the blue sheep - clearly intended to make us think that it's okay to look funny or to be born ethnic.
  • The train sheep and the car sheep - the train sheep reclines in unnatural comfort amidst a seething menagerie of unhygienic foreign animals while the car sheep struggles to repair his broken vehicle.  How much multiculturalism, environmentalism, communism and other isms can be crammed into just one page?
  • The thin sheep and the wide sheep - because sheep can't be called fat anymore because it might hurt their feelings.  Still, they can't stop me from the enjoying the juicy strip of wide down the edge of my lamb chops!
  • The wind sheep and the wave sheep - more environmentalism, more lazy layabouts.  I see there's no brown coal sheep, no uranium sheep, not even a natural gas sheep.  Sheep don't need real jobs, being happy to fly kites and go surfing.  Hence no need for a construction worker sheep or a chartered accountant sheep or a soldier sheep or any other form of gainful employment sheep.  I'm surprised the illustrator didn't just draw the surfing sheep with a disability support pension sticking out of his back pocket while it laughs all the way to the bank!
 I'll bet you're not laughing now.  The next time you are reading a book to your child or singing a song to your baby, give some thought to what they might really be hearing.  Remember, if you don't vote Right, don't vote at all.

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