First day back

As you alert readers may have already noticed, today was my first day back. It was a day full of surprises.

The first surprise was when I opened my backpack in the morning to put in my lunch and discovered a mummified apple at the bottom, there since November last year. To my relief it wasn't mouldy or soft at all. It was just a little shrivelled and dried. Hopefully there has been no curse placed on me for violating the Mummy Apple's tomb. I have no desire to be a modern-day Howard Carter.

The next surprise should not really have been a surprise. I've been telling myself all holidays that I should try to make some new friends this year, because my old friends are real duds. Haha - just joking. If any of my friends are reading this, you're both very special to me. Anyway, my big attempt to make new friends culminated in me sitting with my old friends, having lunch with my old friends, turning down an invitation to have a beer with some potential new friends, and generally being an insular curmudgeon. Bugger.

Finally, in class our lecturer picked arbitrary people from the audience and asked them to estimate the total volume of stool they pass each day, the number of times they pass gas on average, and other such questions. To be honest I was disappointed at the rather sedate responses. I'm not claiming I could have done any better - I have a raging case of l'esprit de l'escalier. But let this be a warning to anyone out there in first year at my Fine University: you've got a year to think up some snappy answers to some fairly personal questions. Don't let me down.

Actually, when I said I had a day full of surprises, what I really meant was a day full of a surprise and another thing which wasn't a surprise and also an anticlimax. But that seemed less dramatic so I just ran with the surprise thing.