Anything but that

Went to the markets as usual this morning to shop. I was very disappointed that nobody stopped me to ask for advice on what to buy or how to cook it like they did the last two times. I complained of this to my Smaller Half, and she said, "It's because you're unshaven and you look like a thug. And your eyes are too close together too." Great - I'm married to a phrenologist (see the comment section below regarding this). It's true though that I am a bit bristly, and it's possible that I had a stern look on my face because my shopping trolley fell apart on me so I had to wrestle this big bag of food back to the car without the benefit of wheels. It was like shopping in the Paleolithic.

Nevertheless I did get to do some quality eavesdropping on my fellow customers. My favourite was the suave man with a charming French accent and his young son who I queued behind at the Italian deli. Once the guy had finished buying his stuff he said to the boy, who was about 5, "Would you like to choose some sausages? You can choose whatever you like, zey are for you." The boy considered his options and tapped on the glass in front of want he wanted. His papa recoiled visibly and said, "Ze English sausages? Oh! Perhaps you would like to choose somezing else? Ze Continental sausage perhaps?".

I can't say I blame him. The English sausages were pale and smooth and limp looking.
They actually looked like they were made out of English people. The Continental sausages, on the other hand, were coarse and meaty and fiery. Viva la salsiccia!!