Wednesday, March 23, 2011

What kind of doctor?

Last year in the hell that was GP-land, I was frequently asked, "So what kind of doctor do you want to be?" by patients.  This year I've been doing anaesthetics which means that patients don't ask me that question any more.  Instead, they ask me questions like, "You're not really going to stick that needle in me, are you?"

Nevertheless, the question about my future career path is still being asked, but this time by the doctors themselves.  It's important to have a good answer to this question because doctors will make snap judgements about you on the basis of what you say.  If you're female and you are interested in paediatrics, for example, they will sigh as if to say, "yeah typical".  If you're male and you are interested in orthopaedic surgery you will get the same response.

So in order to avoid getting these "You're such a cliche" responses, I present for your consideration PTR's Foolproof Instrument For Randomly Generating Unusual Sounding Medical Specialties (tm).

The procedure is as follows:
  1. Take the last two digits of your phone number.
  2. If either of them is 0, use 10 instead.
  3. Take the penultimate number and find the corresponding item from List A below.
  4. Take the ultimate number and the corresponding item from list B below.
  5. Combine the two terms to come up with your future career plans!
  6. If the last two digits of your phone number are the same, keep taking preceeding digits until you get a different one, otherwise people will look at you funny.
List A:
  1. Rheumo-
  2. Psycho-
  3. Neuro-
  4. Pharmaco-
  5. Ortho-
  6. Hepato-
  7. Cardio-
  8. Paediatric
  9. Emergency
  10. Geriatric
List B:
  1. Rheumatology
  2. Psychiatry
  3. Neurology
  4. Pharmacology
  5. Orthopedics
  6. Hepatology
  7. Cardiology
  8. Paediatrics
  9. Emergency
  10. Geriatrics
The last two digits of my phone number are 22.  This would make me a Psycho-psychiatrist.  This is unfortunately pretty stupid sounding, so I'd go back one digit and get an 8, which would make me interested in Paediatric Psychiatry.  That sounds pretty cool.

What kind of doctor do you want to be?


Anonymous said...

I'm sadden that your list doesn't include Fartology of any description

PTR said...

Don't let me trample on your dreams, you go for it! I know how idealistic you third-graders are.

Anonymous said...

Third-graders, pshh. Wake up and smell the air, these days FARTOLOGY is serious business.

idevour said...

emergency pharmacology

PTR said...

Which makes you sound kind of like a drug dealer.

Anonymous said...

Emergency geriatrics aka pall care for the anxious family