Baby bonus

People who write business columns and people who run training sessions to help junior government employees become risk averse are fond of quoting an old Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times".  Medical students, on the other hand, are fond of quoting an old Chinese blessing, "May you get sprays of arterial blood across the front of your favourite shirt".  This blessing came true for me yesterday.

Fortunately nothing bad happened to anybody, as is usually the case when blood starts squirting around the room.  I finally managed to attend a birth and help out in my own fumbling inadequate way.  I found it fascinating, intimidating, scary, uplifting, barbaric, and wonderful.  The best bit was cutting the umbilical cord that for 9 months has connected me to my supervisor - no wait, I mean has connected the baby to his mother.  As it turns out, there's a good technique for cutting the cord that doesn't involve getting cord blood sprayed all over you.  But the doctor and midwife didn't share this with me until after I had tried it my way.  Oh how we laughed!

Births are strange.  I basically stood there for 5 hours doing pretty much nothing and feeling as useless as, oh, a man in a labour ward.  Then there was 5 minutes of leaping around holding this in and that back and throwing the other in the bin.  And then there was a baby!  Which then meant that I had to spend the next hour furiously shaking everybody by the hand and making lasagne... for one.