Scrubs

I went to a hospital that I'd never been to for a theatre session today.  It went really well, the surgeon was happy to answer my questions ("Let me ask you about my cat" - he looked surprised) and so was the anaesthetist, and they both asked me questions that I could kind of figure out the answers to with a bit of prompting from them and guesswork from me.  There was no afternoon tea, but the anaesthetist was due back in town by 6.30pm so we had to cut some corneas - haha, just a little ophthalmology joke there!

The one thing that was a bit substandard was the scrubs.  (Scrubs are the pyjama-like garments worn by doctors and nurses in operating theatres.  Contrary to American television, it's not usual to stroll around the wards in them unless you want to look like a plonker.)  Down here on the coast the scrubs are nice thick cotton, worn soft by hundreds of laundry cycles, and they are a lovely royal blue that really suits my complexion.  But today in this other hospital the scrubs were thin, pale blue, and enormous.

Being thin is bad.  Operating theatres are cold.  And nobody wants to see the outline of my underwear (as far as I know).

Pale blue is bad.  It's a sickly colour, not like the robust masculinity of royal blue.  It makes me look a bit jaundiced.

Enormous scrubs are bad.  Down here I take size XL, mostly because of the extra leg length and the extra room for my rippling biceps, Lefty and Righty.  I put on this pair of thin, pale, XL scrubs today and I looked like some kind of anaemic hip-hopper.  The shirt came down to my knees and I had to do a Harry Highpants up under my armpits to stop the pants dragging on the floor.

At that very moment the surgeon came into the change-room and was subjected to my complaints about the size, texture and colour of their scrubs.  He seemed very impressed with my taste and style to be honest.  Those are things that you just can't teach, apparently.  He's on the board of his surgical college and it seems they are seeking persons with just my blend of aristocratic splendour and the common touch to be the next generation of enlightened surgeons bringing their magic to the masses.  Now my name is right up there on their lists.