Hot-Can? Hot stuff!

Yesterday while I was cooling my heels in the local general store I chanced upon the Hot-Can - a self-heating can of coffee, also available in chocolate and, in a stroke of genius, mocha.  At first I was skeptical.  A self-heating can, eh?  Perhaps you simply need a microwave oven?  No, upon perusing the label it seems that the can really does have a built-in heating unit.  I simply had to try it.

I purchased the Cafe Latte flavour of the Hot-Can and took it home to show my Smaller Half.  She was underwhelmed and somewhat bemused at my excitement.  She suggested that perhaps I should try the Hot-Can outside in case it exploded.  This did concern me a bit.  When I went on a school camping trip when I was young, somebody pitched an unopened tin of baked beans into the camp-fire where it heated up until the end blew off and the can took flight.  We all gasped at the explosion, then laughed in relief that nobody had had their skull staved in by a supersonic bean tin, then cried out in pain as hot baked beans rained from the starry night sky upon our heads.  I didn't really want to re-create this with the Hot-Can.

Fortunately, our fears were ill-placed.  Hot-Can makes a safe and reliable product.  To activate, you simply push in the bottom of the can and shake it gently for 20 seconds, then rest the can upright for 3 minutes on a heat-proof surface such as your thigh.  The small thermonuclear device in the bottom of the can goes super-critical, a chain reaction of cascading neutrons heats up the unsuspecting liquid above, and when you open up the can out comes delicious glowing Cafe Latte with a delicate sprinkle of Higgs bosons.

There is even a temperature activated colour patch on the side.  Initially black, it gradually colours red or green to signify either, "Whoa dude, your Hot-Can is too hot!  Just chillax a little before slamming this one down!", or "Aaah!  This Hot-Can is just right for you Brosef!  Don't wait - refresherate yourself immediately!"

The packaging itself is brilliant. The can itself appears to be a standard aluminium can, but it is wrapped in a matte black layer of bullet-proof polypropylene so you don't burn your lips.  This is the kind of self-heating beverage that Batman would be proud to buckle onto his utility belt.

In summary, the Hot-Can is the coolest thing on the shelves this year.  But don't be idle!  The same scientists who invented the self-heating Hot-Can have more products on the way, like the Self-Dropping Ice-Cream for kids, the Self-Writing Blog for idiots, and the Self-Pooping Pants for medical students. Keep your eyes peeled!