A book for idiots

In a store I recently saw the book "Ideas For Writing In Blank Greeting Cards".  At first I was excited!  What a great idea for a book!  I opened up to the contents page, wondering what kind of awkward and esoteric situations might be listed?  Perhaps there would be a page of suggestions for what to write in a card that you are sending to a friend because their priest was sent to jail.  Or perhaps some ideas for what to say to your ex who finally broke up with that putz she was with for years so you might be a real chance again now.  Or what to write in a condolences card for a unpleasant workmate who is heartbroken over her Shetland pony that has just developed diabetes.

Sadly, I was disappointed.  The contents page listed events such as birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, admission to college, graduation from college, and so forth.  Honestly, if you can't come up with something to write for events like this you need a punch in the head.  Yeah yeah, I know that some cards are hard to write - condolence cards for example.  But everybody knows this.  No-one is expecting Beowulf.  You just need to turn up.

But even though the events themselves were pretty run of the mill, I was expecting some entertaining suggestions or at least something mildly original.  But this is the kind of stuff the whole book is filled with: "Congratulations!  May you know many more years of wedded bliss."  Gosh!  I could never have thought of that!

There's nothing intrinsically wrong here, but why do you need to buy a book to get these suggestions?  Why not just buy a blank card, then saunter over to the Wedding Anniversary section of the shop and browse what's written in those cards for ideas?  What I find bizarre, almost scary, is the way the ideas are written using hints such as "I/we" and "(No.) years together" just to make sure that the idiot using it knows that they may have to actually insert some relevant detail, rather than trusting them to both figure it out themselves.

Furthermore, how can it possibly have taken three people to write this book???  The world really may be more full of morons than I currently suspect it to be.

On the other hand, here's a sign on the side of a bed & breakfast that I saw around the same time.  "Vue de Merde".  It restored my faith in humanity just enough to get me through the day.