I'm encouraged by the recently released stat that more than 100 people every year mistake superglue for eyedrops and glue their eyes shut. Most obviously, I will clearly never be out of work as a doctor while humans are capable of such blunders. Also, the more people walking around with their eyes glued shut, the less frequently I will have to iron my shirts or shave or brush my hair or blow my nose. Perhaps if more people put superglue into their nostrils I could save a bunch of money on deodorant as well. And if they put it into their ears I could buy more Bieber albums.
But the tragic corollary of this story is that there are probably at least 100 people per year whose model airplanes are falling apart because they were assembled using eyedrops instead of superglue. It's a hidden epidemic. Nobody turns up at the Emergency Department complaining that the wings fell off their Lancaster. Nobody over twelve anyway.
But I'm sure that the long term health effects will be felt for decades. I remember when I was five I had a yellow model Pontiac Firebird. I was foolishly playing with it in the yard, thinking that it would be as robust as an actual toy car, when the front left wheel broke off. My blood pressure shot through the roof and I could feel the seeds of atherosclerosis growing within me.
"I'll give you atherosclerosis in your head if you don't stop crying by the time I count to three!", said my Aged Mother. But the damage was already done.
There must be many other disastrous incidents where people accidentally use their medications improperly. People in the midst of renovating their bathrooms filling their mouths with polyfilla thinking that it is mouthwash. In fact the Hatchling was onto something the other day when she was watching me shave - "Dada put toothpaste on face!", she said in astonishment, being unfamiliar with the concept of me shaving since it usually happens when she's asleep.
Have any of you ever made this type of mistake? Glued your eyelids shut? Swallowed Julia Gillard's contact lenses? Given a patient a transfusion of passata arrabiata? Accidentally transplanted the heart of baboon into a human? It must be more common than we admit.