Wednesday, April 3, 2013

See no evil

I'm encouraged by the recently released stat that more than 100 people every year mistake superglue for eyedrops and glue their eyes shut.  Most obviously, I will clearly never be out of work as a doctor while humans are capable of such blunders.  Also, the more people walking around with their eyes glued shut, the less frequently I will have to iron my shirts or shave or brush my hair or blow my nose.  Perhaps if more people put superglue into their nostrils I could save a bunch of money on deodorant as well.  And if they put it into their ears I could buy more Bieber albums.

But the tragic corollary of this story is that there are probably at least 100 people per year whose model airplanes are falling apart because they were assembled using eyedrops instead of superglue.  It's a hidden epidemic.  Nobody turns up at the Emergency Department complaining that the wings fell off their Lancaster.  Nobody over twelve anyway.

But I'm sure that the long term health effects will be felt for decades.  I remember when I was five I had a yellow model Pontiac Firebird.  I was foolishly playing with it in the yard, thinking that it would be as robust as an actual toy car, when the front left wheel broke off.  My blood pressure shot through the roof and I could feel the seeds of atherosclerosis growing within me.

"I'll give you atherosclerosis in your head if you don't stop crying by the time I count to three!", said my Aged Mother.  But the damage was already done.

There must be many other disastrous incidents where people accidentally use their medications improperly.  People in the midst of renovating their bathrooms filling their mouths with polyfilla thinking that it is mouthwash.  In fact the Hatchling was onto something the other day when she was watching me shave - "Dada put toothpaste on face!", she said in astonishment, being unfamiliar with the concept of me shaving since it usually happens when she's asleep.

Have any of you ever made this type of mistake?  Glued your eyelids shut?  Swallowed Julia Gillard's contact lenses?  Given a patient a transfusion of passata arrabiata?  Accidentally transplanted the heart of baboon into a human?  It must be more common than we admit.

5 comments:

Rattling On said...

If you read the superglue instructions it tells you not to unblock the tube with a pin. The reason for this is when you pull out the pin the glue erupts like projectile vomit. And if you should happen to be peering at said tube to check progress it may go into your eye, thus gluing it shut for a few days. Just saying...

Pink Stethoscopes said...

Rattling on, most people just say they fell on it ...

PTR said...

Yes, I was building a Messerschmitt in the nude when I lost my balance and ...

Rattling On said...

My friend, a midwife, was doing a bit of moonlighting in the ED when a gent came in. He had 'fallen' on a jam jar, which was now stuck. Obviously everyone on duty had to be paraded for a consult to agree on the best method of treatment. (Incidentally a bottle brush and some plaster of paris- fortunately the jar was open end out).

PTR said...

Sounds like quite a "jam". ohooohooohoooo!