Sunday, May 20, 2012

Awaken the giant within

Every now and then someone remarks to me that they wonder how I can cope with doing my internship at the same time as my Smaller Half whilst also trying to look after the Hatchling. The answer is of course that I don't. Cope, that is. I spend most of my waking hours desperately trying to catch up to where I'm supposed to be and never quite making it. And my sleeping hours I spend having bizarre dreams about imaginary medical conditions suffered by fictional patients that I have to try actively to forget upon waking lest I blurt out something insane sounding on the ward round the next morning.

"Mr Upendis hasn't had his brain biopsy yet so we still don't know where the chocolate is coming from!"

Be that as it may, it is made easier than it might be one you realise that caring for patients is almost exactly like looking after a one year old.

Patients: did they sleep well?
Hatchling: did she sleep well?

Patients: do they have a temperature?
Hatchling: does she have a temperature?

Patients: have they had their bowels open?
Hatchling: has she just made a special delivery?

Patients: how's their fluid balance?
Hatchling: has she had enough to eat and drink?

Patients: have you checked the gentamicin levels?
Hatchling: would you like me to read you Hairy Maclairy From Donaldson's Dairy?

Patients: can you get the neurosurgery registrar to review them ASAP?
Hatchling: you look so cute in those little purple trakkie-daks!

The similarities go on and on and it makes everything so much easier. So for those of you embarking on medical careers, my advice is to have children right now. Especially if you might be competing with me for jobs in the future. Yeah, that's it.

And if you already have small children, why then, enrolling in a medical degree and working 7 day weeks for some sociopathic overseer will be just the ticket to sharpen up your parenting and really bring you closer to your family.

And while you're at it, write some damn blog posts on your phone using the stupid touchscreen. Ow! My arm!

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