Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Hyper-tension





Aah.  Today I got home at 6pm.  There's a small pile of late discharge summaries on my desk (the things we send out to the GPs telling them all the terrible screw-ups we made in hospital) but I have a new registrar arriving tomorrow so I seized the opportunity to be slack and took off.  My old registrar called me at about 5.45 asking me where I was and I was delighted to tell him that I was gone, all the patients were stable, and there were no new issues, goodbye and good luck.


I realized today that the suckiest thing about my job right now is not my job.  I actually kind of enjoy my job.  It's satisfying in that way that looking at a big pile of blood clots that someone has just pooped out can be.

No, the suckiest thing about my job is that when I get home it takes me about 4 hours to unwind.  I can't stop replaying the day in my head, wondering if I did this or that right, wondering what I forgot to do, trying to remember the detail of some x-ray or sputum culture in case I get asked about it the next day, trying to make sense of what's happening to me via the medium of sick people.  It makes me so tense that I lose my appetite and can't eat dinner, and I find talking to my Smaller Half and the Hatchling really hard.

I can usually stop this just before I go to bed.  Then I sleep (or not) and wake up tense again because I know that I have to go in for the ward round, which always brings a new shovel full of surprises.  So I can't eat breakfast much because I'm freaking out again.  As for lunch - ha!  The El Dorado of meals.  Much discussed, never seen.

I'm pretty sure that I've already lost about 5kg, especially when you factor in the brutal gastro that I caught in the first week on the ward.

So basically what I'm saying is that I've developed some kind of panic disorder precipitated by work.  From what I can gather, everyone does in this business when they first start.  It's just that people don't admit it.


11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Alcohol. Its the only way. On Fridays at least.

Таня Билаш said...

Nice! Cool!

PTR said...

You win the Inaugural Typeface Cup. Congratulations!

Mel said...

Test

Mel said...

Hmm...sorry about the test. It didn't seem to like me using the open ID option for wordpress. Sorry to hear you're having a rough trot Peter. Panicky is not good. I've had a bit of that myself lately. I have to talk to an impartial party. As my boss said the other day... "things will settle down". All the best. Doctoring must be mental compared to my daily routine. Having a hatchling must also be rather life changing. :)

KormaChamaeleon said...

I've just started reading your blog, it's hilarious! Well, hilarious in the "TG it's happening to someone else" sense. I experience something similar, with animals and clients instead...

Anonymous said...

Fortunately I had panic disorder well before starting work.

Anonymous said...

I had just started reading your blog on a regular basis and find that you have now embarked on some sort of haitus.
Are you working nights, did it all prove too much...???
I am remaining anonymous as I fear people may visit my own blog and find it lacking. What one reads and what one produces are sadly often worlds apart.

Anonymous said...

Tension are killing us nowadays .Thanks for this article ways to reduce hypertension

Richard Arnold said...

I'd just thought I'd say. I miss this. Do come back, when you can handle the wrath of anonymous commenters.

It's a tough world out there.

Lumpage said...

I have to agree with Richie, come back if you ever find inspiration and time!

We much miss your A-grade bloggery.