Yesterday I volunteered to be the subject of a brutal and inhumane experiment. They made me pretend to be a doctor for half an hour and filmed me to see what I'd do. And then when I tried to leave the ward to lounge around in the cafe they stopped me and said something crazy about having to look after the patients. Huh!
Actually, it was really interesting and indeed fun (in retrospect). I volunteered for it because every time I do a clinical simulation with these guys I learn something really useful that I didn't know before. Plus the guy who runs them is, in my opinion, THE best teacher on campus. If all our teachers were like him I wouldn't be as bitter and twisted as I am.
However, it was uncomfortable having to watch myself afterwards. They'd filmed the whole thing with a veritable bevy of cameras and I had to watch the footage and assess my own performance before doing a review with them. You know how when you hear a recording of your own voice it's always shockingly unlike what you expect? Seeing yourself on camera is far, far worse.
It's not that I was expecting to see some manly, Clooney-esque figure striding purposefully from bed to bed, making quick decisions and saving lives with the ease of one born to it. Oh perhaps I was, just a little. But what I saw was just my balding, big-nosed, stooped, nerdy self, shuffling around indecisively with my left arm hanging limply by my side as if I'd had a stroke, while my right arm flailed in the air or clutched at my own buttocks or rubbed my face, saying things like, "oh! err... um... I think the correct dosage is 50... 25... no... do you... I think just give the whole thing".
So I felt like a bit of a goose. But the nurse in the simulation, who was a real nurse, was really lovely. Afterwards she said that I'd done well and that she'd be happy to work with me in real life. And that I should try not to clutch my own buttocks so much.