Nevertheless, I was able to get a good view by craning my neck. As a med student, it's normal for me to get excited at things like this. It was great to see the incision made and to see the enormous clot of blood plop out onto the bed. Very satisfying, like seeing a boil burst. To my surprise, the clot looked much bigger than the haemorrhoid itself, probably a couple of metric teaspoons or so. A bit more came out when the doctor rummaged around inside the haemorrhoid with the forceps.
"Oooh, that's a good one!" I said, like some kind of desperate haemorrhoid groupie. The doctor then asked if the patient wanted to see it, which I thought was a little odd. Perhaps, just maybe, possibly later when he's up and dressed. But not now. Indeed, the patient gracefully declined the kind offer to examine the clot at close range. But the doctor's enthusiasm got the better of his empathy, and he thrust the bloodstained gauze with the clot on it over the patient's shoulder, right under his nose.
Doctor
Look at that!
Patient
Eurgh.
[Recoils and starts to go a pale shade of green]
Doctor
And that's not even half of it! There's plenty more!
Patient
Eurghhh
I don't see how I can possibly fail this year.
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9 comments:
PTR,
I must say I was somewhat disappointed with today's blog, as amusing as the haemorrhoid clot was! The disappointment occured because I hopped on here expecting to read a more than amusing commentary on today's debate and was surprised there wasn't one!
Thanks for the social skills learning tools though!
Sorry to disappoint you. I was too busy saving lives to watch the debate.
To be honest, after seeing KRudd debate the schoolkids on Q&A my brain nearly melted. Why couldn't they get Gillard to do it? Come to think of it, why isn't she PM?
Come to think of it, I think extracting a giant clot from someone's bum is a good metaphor for Abbott and the Liberal Party...
:)
Based on the style of writing, I can deduce the identity of the first anonymous poster. Their Initials are AO, and they once held a presidential office in our class.
Do you feel that? That's me pouring scorn on you. I hope it burns!
Tony Abbott is cool. He makes politics interesting - unlike the ruddbot.
In the end though, I think Chris Uhlmann won because he got the last word in, and didn't appear to pander to the audience.
WV = burper
aaaagh - it burns! I'm melting!!!
I agree that Tony Abbott does make politics interesting, but at the expense of saying anything vaguely sensible. Sure the Ruddbot is, well, Ruddbotish, but we can't all have awesome blogs to keep the masses amused can we? Poor old Ruddbot needs stunts like today's mass debate.
As for you identity guessers, what writing style is that? The overuse of exclamation marks perhaps? In any case, there is no way we can ever know as now their identity is lost forever in the interwebs...
Back to the original story, wasn't anyone surprised that the patient was awake while our thoughtful blogger was heaving his arse cheeks in opposite directions?
If I ever have the misfortune to have a strapping young med student heaving my kyber pass apart - I'd like to think that I was (a) out cold and (b) not having to read about it later on blogs.
But having acknowledged the humiliation of the patient, I am wondering... is there a special brown-eye grip that they teach you in medical school to ensure that in the excitement of having the blood clot crown that you don't lose your grip and have the patient's arse snap shut like a startled clam?
Alf Stewart
Grip is not so important as saying the magic words: "Open sesame!"
Surely there's some sort of giant reverse pliers that you could use to spread the buttocks?
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