Brain training

My abs are killing me.  I went to a kicky-punchy class on Tuesday night and it ended with us all doing crunches on those giant fitballs.  It looks stupid and it really hurts, so it's not my favourite thing.  But I accept that part of getting fit is that you're going to be uncomfortable from time to time.

So why is it so hard for me to push my boundaries when it comes to getting my brain into shape?  I'm happy to sit there and try to learn stuff from books.  I'm used to both the feeling of ignorance and the feeling of overcoming it, so it's not scary for me.  But for some reason when it comes to making myself stick my neck out to learn hands on skills, I am a giant fraidy-cat.

I know, intellectually, that it's good for me to do things to get the practise.  And I know, intellectually, that getting that practise will involve asking someone who is about to do it themselves if I can do it instead.  But I find that very, very hard to do.  If they offer, I am all like yesssss!  I will have a go at anything.  But why am I so reticent to put myself out there, even if I know I can do it?

At least part of it is the feeling of uncertainty as to the other person's reaction.  Another part is the knowledge that if I try but fail I will feel bad about myself afterwards.  When we're learning, isn't it crazy how harshly we judge ourselves when things go wrong, and how elated we feel at getting the smallest things right?

I remember I used to be scared of gyms.  That was before I had ever been to one.  I was worried that I wouldn't know what to do.  I was worried that I would drop the weights on my head or foot.  I was worried that the muscleheads would laugh at the tiny little weights I was struggling with.  But these days I am fine.  I'm still aware that any of those tragic situations may occur, but it doesn't bother me because I am more at home in that environment now and I know that, in reality, it's not such a big deal.  Plus now I am ripped as, bro.

It only occurred to me yesterday that I am at least part of the way along the road to feeling more comfortable in a clinical environment, and hence I am approaching the day when I won't freak out quite so much about asking to be shown how to do something or asking to have a go at something.  Even though my brain knows it already, my heart has yet to learn the lesson, but its time will come.

In the mean time, I'm going to just keep on turning up every day and freaking myself out.  Eventually I'll burn out all the adrenaline receptors in my body and then I'll be too cool for school, I'll have the skills to pay the bills, and my brain will be ripped as, bro.