Tales of the fig-headed man

This morning I bought some figs from the fig-man at the markets. I approached the stall and noticed that the figs are smaller and greener than the figs last week.

PTR: "Hi, I bought some great figs from you last week."

Figman: "Yeah, those would have been ..."

PTR thinks: This guy has big round cheeks. He actually looks like a fig himself (and hence misses the name of the figs)

Figman: "... which are a dessert fig, very sweet and oozy. These ones here are a more technical fig."

I've heard of technical drawing, technical climbs, and technical innocence, but never technical figs. Apparently a technical fig is one which has superior shape-retaining properties and doesn't get too oozy and over-ripe. Think of it like a Platonic Ideal Fig. All the figs in your life that you thought you had enjoyed were nothing but the shadow of the Ideal Fig which exists Out There, outside The Cave, in the bright sunshine, eternally retaining its shape and not getting oozy or over-ripe. Eating this technical fig would be like eating fruit from Narnia, like having ET cure your taste-buds with his cute little glowy finger, like snatching Gilgamesh's morning tea and sinking in your fangs. (This isn't exactly what the fig-headed man said, but it's the general gist of it.)

So I bought some. They were okay, but were a little bit firm and under-ripe. Maybe they'll have the oozy dessert figs next week.