Pan solo

Eating alone is fraught with peril.  If you do it in your own house you run the risk of being swamped by apathy and just chowing down on a big block of cheddar or a jar of peanut butter.  If you go for take-out you'll undoubtedly end up with several kilos of chips with chicken salt.  And if you go for fine dining you'll be brutally patronized by the waiters.  This is what happened to me recently:

Waiter

Just by yourself today sir?

PTR

Yes.

Waiter

Sometimes you need a bit of quiet time, don't you sir?

PTR

That's right.

Waiter

Well don't you worry about it sir.

PTR

Thank you.

It was awful.  He used the word sir at the end of every single sentence.  That kind of thing might make you feel comfortable and relaxed if, for example, you're sitting at the table wearing a suit of armour.  But here in Australia where we're all descended from burglars and scoundrels, calling someone "sir" is a slap in the face.  It's Australian for "I am required by my employer to show you respect even though I have none to offer, so I'll call insolently call you sir instead".

And the way he commented that I needed a bit of quiet time - that made me feel like a frail little child, unable to cope with the hubbub of the real world.


What really pisses me off is that he was right.