Parent hood

I went, nay - was dragged - to a "Baby And Pregnacy Expo" recently.  The horror...

I was anticipating that it would not be my cup of tea but the reality of it left me stunned and reeling.  The place was jam-packed with hyper-aggressive Mumzillas smashing each other aside with their prams as they careened randomly from booth to booth desperately accumulating free handouts and leaflets and buying discounted samples of products they never realized they needed until they saw how cheap they were and how adorable they made someone else's baby look.

Not that I'm claiming immunity from the madness.  I bought a little plastic ball for a dollar that turns itself inside-out when you throw it up and down.  Sweet!  And I do have Dadzilla tendencies.  I overheard a few people remark on how cute the Hatchling is, so I started looking around and man, there are some ugly babies out there.  Not too surprising when you check out the parents but still, why does nature not give them a few months of grace?

The expo was targetted at three groups of people:

1. Parents
2. Expectant parents
3. Pre-conception parents

This neatly embraces most of humanity except for childless post-menopausal women and guys who're shooting blanks.  Clever.  Nevertheless, despite the carpet-bombing-style marketing, the products there were all aimed with laser-like precision at the Neurotic Mother demographic.  There is apparently nothing so prosaic that it can't be re-packaged and sold at a premium to parents desperate to give their child the best in life.

Toys that optimally stimulate the cerebral cortex!  Puree jam-packed with essential amino acids!  Nappies made from organic farmed bamboo and lovingly crafted by Zen pandas!

But the strangest thing (to moi) was the nappy cake.  I recoiled in disgust at the name, but it's not a cake make to look like a nappy.  It's nappies made to look like a cake.  Nappies stacked up like a wedding cake and wrapped and decorated to look like a cake.  Words truly fail me.