Agony Aunt

Dear PTR,


I desperately need your advice!  I'm bored with my current job and need help deciding what to do next. 


My current job is extremely boring and predictable - I want something with a little more excitement.  For example, I enjoy getting confusing and contradictory feedback on my performance depending on the whimsy and caprice of whoever happens to be in the room at the time.  In particular, I like being taught six different ways to do the same thing, with each new teacher emphasizing how terribly mistaken the previous teachers were.  I also like to be given ambiguous tasks in language which is easily misinterpreted.  When I fail to complete the task adequately because my telepathic powers failed that day and I was unable to read minds, I would like to be scolded for being timid or unreliable.


I don't have many friends, and I don't like the ones I do have, so it would be convenient it this new job could suck up as much time as possible and, if possible, destroy my social life by making my schedule irregular and unpredictable and by otherwise making me feel extremely guilty if I do attempt to enjoy myself.  In fact, the guilt thing is very important - my ideal career would be one in which success is difficult if not impossible to measure, thus leaving me a neurotic mess as I have no idea when enough is enough.  Needless to say, the added benefits of my new job being completely unpaid would add a certain je ne sais quoi.


In order to remind me that it's a job and not a hobby, it would also be good if many of the people in this new job were unpleasant, egotistical, arrogant, abrasive, selfish, or just plain mean.  Naturally, a majority of people will not be like this at all, but it would be nice if the awful people were SO awful that they SEEM like the majority.


Please let me know if you have any suggestions.
(signed)
Idealistic of Adelaide


Dear Idealistic of Adelaide,

You should enrol in a medical degree immediately.  Good luck!

Sincerely,
PTR