Whoever smelt it...

Smaller Half

There's a funny smell in the kitchen.

PTR

Like what?

Smaller Half

Like there's meat in the bin that's gone off or something.

Hatchling

I think it was Dadda.

PTR

What?!

Hatchling

You always make funny smells, Dadda.

PTR

And how is that?

Hatchling

When you're cooking, of course!

This week on MasterChef

Another amazing week of culinary feats this week on MasterChef!  Let's look ahead to the highlights:

• On Monday, watch the contestants scurry to cook a meal in just 45 minutes, using only ingredients that start with the letter Q.  Jessica prepares a quail and quinoa quesadilla, while Kha plans a quince quiche with quark, but runs into a quirky quandary.  Who will win the day?
• Tuesday: Mystery Box!  The contestants are always pushed to the limit by the Mystery Box and tonight is no exception. They are required to design, prepare and serve a seafood luncheon to the missing aviatrix Amelia Earhart.  Georgia and Jamie team up to scour the floor of the Pacific Ocean for fresh ingredients and the wreckage of her plane.  Do they have what it takes to succeed?
• On Wednesday, the budding chefs are challenged to a contest of basic skills.  They are given 10 minutes to remove and fillet their own leg, something most of them have never done before. Reynold concocts an impromptu blood sausage before lapsing into unconsciousness, while Jarrod panics and cuts off his left arm by mistake, necessitating a visit to the MasterChef nurse.
• On Thursday, the contestants visit the training venue of the Australian Paralympic basketball team for inspiration.  In a poorly timed challenge of questionable taste, they are required to prepare and serve a three course service without using their hands.  Jarrod comes roaring back into the competition as the only cook with two functional lower limbs.
• Finally, they are divided into two teams for the weekend brunch challenge. The Red team must cook in an atmosphere of pure oxygen, while the Blue team must cook with no oxygen at all. Can you guess who dies in a fiery explosion, and who succumbs to hypoxic brain injury?  And will it affect their chances in the ensuing elimination challenge?

For recipes, filleting tips, and lessons in basic chemistry, why not visit the MasterChef website? Tune in tonight to watch our search for Australia's 2015 ...  MASTERCHEF!

Dreams can come true

At home it's my job to leap up in the dead of night to deal with any nappy changes that need attending to and also to transport the Hatchling to and from my Smaller Half for feeding.  Sometimes I am pretty groggy when I'm staggering around with her in my arms, which is why conversations like this happen:

Smaller Half
You should talk to her when you're carrying her around.

PTR
Oh, yeah, sure.

Hi pooper-dooper, I was just having a dream that I was a superhero in the Justice League and I was running a cooking class on TV for the other super-heroes.  The Blue Beetle was there, and a bunch of other insect-like guys I didn't know.  I was teaching them how to cook prawns.  I'd made up a great song which explained it all.  It went:

And when they change colour to be all yummy
They're ready to go right into my tummy.

Smaller Half
OK, maybe don't talk to her so much.

Is it significant that FaceBook has started pushing ads for anxiety attack cures at me?

I can tell that exams are coming.  They aren't close, they won't arrive for another few months.  If this was a Western and I was a train robber, I'd be crouched down with my ear to the rails listening ... listening, while my boss chewed his terbaccy and spat in the dust.  I can't hear exams of course, but I can tell they are coming all the same, because my classic diversionary activities are really ramping up.  I have noted:

1. increased frequency of online Scrabble playing,
2. heightened interest in recreational wargaming, and most ominously of all,
3. marked propensity to cook elaborate meals.

Yesterday I cooked a ragout of Italian sausages in a chilli, sage and tomato sauce, that I served with buttery parmesany polenta, roasted garlic and pumpkin with rosemary, and sauteed asparagus.  And today I made Burmese braised pork with chilli bamboo shoots served with a boiled salted duck egg.

Deluxe.  And a whole lot better than studying.