Thank you for your help

Before I start... bugger.  Now that I've started, I want to make it clear that I do not have a seething contempt for nurses.  Oh sure, some nurses.  Like the bizarre passive-aggressive nurse I currently work* with.  He somehow manages to undercut me at me every opportunity.  Like the time I called in sick and he answered the phone.  When I told him I wouldn't be in, he said "Oh.  Well, I don't suppose it really matters anyway."  He's either a comic genius or a brutal misanthrope.  Or both.  Or neither.  Yep, that about covers it.

Anyway, I was telling you that I don't hate nurses.  I have no stories to tell you about likeable nurses to prove this because stories in which everyone acts in a reasonable and pleasant way aren't very memorable or interesting.  But just keep in mind that most nurses are great because I'm about to unload on one chump who happens to be a nursing student.

The problem is this - he seems to be very competitive with me and is always trying to show me up.  For example, on his first day I had a syringe driver that I was about to hook up to a patient.  The guy stops me and points to a series of tiny bubbles in the tubing and insisted that I flush them out of the line.  When I said I hadn't noticed them, he said "That's what nurses are for!  Lucky I was here."  For the record, to give someone an air embolus you need to get about 200 mL into their veins,  The bubbles in the tube would have been a fraction of a drop.  Still, nice catch there, Inspector.  He spent the next 10 minutes flicking the syringe to try to remove some errant molecules of nitrogen clinging to the side of it.

This week he managed to creep up behind me while I was discussing a patient's medication with her, and chip in with unhelpful comments just at the worst moment:

PTR

So you've gotten good pain relief from fentanyl.  This means we'll be able to think about a range of medications to find one that's right for you.

Annoying Nursing Student

It's a class of drugs called opioids.  Things like morphine.

Worried Patient

Morphine?  I don't want to take morphine! Isn't that for people who are dying?

PTR

A lot of people are worried about that.  But there are lots of people who use morphine or similar medications for pain control.  The reason that these drugs have this reputation for being for dying people is that they are effective.  So they do get used in extreme situations.  But they are also useful for people like you who only need much smaller doses.

Annoying Nursing Student

Watch out though, because if you take too much you'll stop breathing and die.

PTR

Sigh...

*"work" being defined in this case as performing pointless tasks for no remuneration.